[9 BY DESIGN RECAP] Episode 6: London Calling

A. Obvs I'm IMMEDIATELY buying a copy of Downtown Chic (shit is sold OUT on Amazon, ppl).

B. I started to get a leetle bit bored with this 9by stuff last night.

Sad face.

Look, I still love the crap out of the Novos, but its just that everything that "goes wrong" on this show, seems like it was hatched up in some writers room and executed by some PA (probably the one who keeps taking those blurry ass fucking pictures for the bravo.com site).

Sidenote: Did anyone catch that weird Shrek/Novo commercial in the middle of the ep? The kids were all being cutesy and talking about their favorite moments in the movie, and everyone probably got paid a billion dollars to do it.

Anyway.

So, the Novos are going to London! For their book launch! Well most of them, at least. The younger kids stayed home with the nanny (Five, Holly and Major) and the older kids came along for the ride (Wolfie, Breaker, Tallulah and Bellamy). Honestly, this was a brillz move, because even Cortney-n-Bob admit that Five and Holly are little terrors. I can't tell you how many parents I encounter who are in denial over the terror threat level of their kids. After their little precious one tries to set a table on fire, or punches a waitress they're usually all "I don't know WHAT's going on?? My little Isaac/Eugenia/Shaunnesy is NEVER like this." RIIIIGGGHHHHT.

In other news, Bob's fashion faux paux are going from bad to worse. At first I thought his whole "I only wear vintage" thing was all sorts of cute, but uhm:

Bob was picking up the NYT issue that featured the whole family and their gorgeous house, and yeah: their reaction was pretty cute (and humble, and genuine). I dug it.

So then the Novos break out their passports and head to London.

Of course they stay at the fabulous Haymarket Hotel. I've never stayed there myself, but I've read enough about that place on Hotel Chatter to know that it *would* rule my face, if in fact my face could actually afford it.

OK, so back to the manufactured tension. Cort-n-Bob are traveling alllll the way over to London cause their new book is coming out and they want to meet with the press, and throw a party, and be all fancy-n-shit. But thenn they get there and OOPSIE! The place where they booked their event thinks they are coming next week! BOLLOCKS!

So lemme get this straight: we're supposed to believe that Bob *accidentally* booked their venue in London for the wrong date?? He has George, and a whole staff, a nanny, and an entire fucking Bravo crew (that would have had to pre-arrange their equipment and electriicity, and craft service and a shitload of other things), and yet NO ONE made sure that they had the right date???

Yes ppl: this is where I, once-n-for-all, call TOTAL BULLSHIT.

Sorry...there is just no way.

But it gest better b/c THEEEEN we're supposed to believe that they call and they call and they call and they call some more, co-inky-dink, every single solitary venue in London is all booked up. BUT WAIT!!!!!

I HAVE AN AH-MAAAAAZING IDEA!?

Maybe the Novos can ask their rich art collector friend, who they had said they were looking forward to "spending time with" if he can host the party!???

Bob's convo with this Kenny dude was my second piece of glaring evidence that this whole thing was a set up. Dude might own every piece of art in the universe worth collecting, a McDonalds playground in his house and who knows? A private jet-n-shit prolly, but he can't act to save his life. And his "spontaneous" idea that they move the whole book party to his house was just dripping in bullshit and coated in n'uh uh.

Love their sunglasses tho:

In the mean time, Cort decided to go take the girls to some castle, like an hour before the party was supposed to start, and Bob took the boys out to become mimes. Ok, not really, be they were sort of performing and clearly loving it.

Of course the party goes off without a hitch, they meet a bazillion press people and everyone lives happily ever after.

The rich art dude even offers to let all 4 of their kids sleep over so that Cort-n-Bob can celebrate their anniversary. They go up in the London Eye (that gigantic ferris wheel-y thing) and its sweet, though again, manufactured sweet.

Look: I get it. These people are smart...they are building their brand. And their "brand" just happens to be their family...and their beautiful house..and their quirky kids names...and yadda, yadda, yadda. And they are sweet, and kind, and thoughtful and, yes, on reality TV that = B-O-R-I-N-G. So then you're left with, "we gotta make some shit up." Meanwhile, I'm still waiting for someont to get punched...or arrested.

But I still <3 you crazy Novos long time!

Next Week:

YET ANOTHER Dave Barry project!? At this point the Novos are going to need to seriously consider adopting this dude. Do they work for ANYONE else?? EVER??