WHO GIVES A SHIT: DO YOU BUY STUFF ON 1STDIBS?

I'd like to have a one night stand with everything I come across on 1stdibs.com...but a hooker and an all-night coke binge would STILL probably be way the hell cheaper than anything on that site. Is it me? Am I just using it wrong? 

If any of you out there have ever managed to find anything that cost less two months rent, can you please clue me in on WTF I should be doing to find stuff that's even a teensy bit affordable??

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BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!

I thought you should know that I asked Jackie Astier's apartment to marry me!

AND HER APARTMENT SAID YES!

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CRAP ON MY MIND

1. The slideshows on Apartment Therapy make me want to slit my wrists and then pour nail polish remover over my bloody self. WHO THE HELL designed these things?? They jump around, and the pics are diff sizes, and they just make me want to punch things. 

2. I want to lose 60ish pounds by March 12th. That's like 2ish pounds a week. March 12 is a major bday for me, and I refuse to start my next decade with my fat ass in tact. I need someone to help me and can't decide if I need a trainer, a personal chef, a health coach, or a shrink. I mean, I probably need all of them, but I need to do something drastic. And I need someone who's not going to stand for any of my bullshit. Anyone to recc in NYC? Online? I need someone to just TELL MY ASS WHAT TO DO. 

3. Our Basset Hand Oliver has these sharp pointy little hairs, and he sheds all the hell all over the place. These things practically weave themselves into the fibers of our rug. Our vacuum cleaner doesn't even get them out. Like you run it over the rug, and nothing happens. All the hair just sits there. WTF? I've actually heard horrible things about the Dyson animal, and it's too big anyway. Any other vaccuum reccs? 

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Trolling For Hook-ups On Pinterest

I'm married and old, so I don't know about these real-world type things, but my guess is: there are quite a few of you out there who are really good at trolling for action online. 

Now, duh: I know all about Grindr, and Youporn, and OK Stupid and the like, but the only place I really like to troll for action is on Pinterest.

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