CRAP ON MY MIND

1. The slideshows on Apartment Therapy make me want to slit my wrists and then pour nail polish remover over my bloody self. WHO THE HELL designed these things?? They jump around, and the pics are diff sizes, and they just make me want to punch things. 

2. I want to lose 60ish pounds by March 12th. That's like 2ish pounds a week. March 12 is a major bday for me, and I refuse to start my next decade with my fat ass in tact. I need someone to help me and can't decide if I need a trainer, a personal chef, a health coach, or a shrink. I mean, I probably need all of them, but I need to do something drastic. And I need someone who's not going to stand for any of my bullshit. Anyone to recc in NYC? Online? I need someone to just TELL MY ASS WHAT TO DO. 

3. Our Basset Hand Oliver has these sharp pointy little hairs, and he sheds all the hell all over the place. These things practically weave themselves into the fibers of our rug. Our vacuum cleaner doesn't even get them out. Like you run it over the rug, and nothing happens. All the hair just sits there. WTF? I've actually heard horrible things about the Dyson animal, and it's too big anyway. Any other vaccuum reccs? 

4. Have you guys tried this whole mason jar salad thingy? I'm so completely intrigued by this, though it seems like I'd need to buy about a million dollars worth of groceries in order to get all the ingredients that I need for 5 diff mason jar salads. I'm obviously not very good at this homemaking thing. 

5. When you sublet your house or apt fully furnished, does that mean you leave the Art too? You don't leave books, right? And not dishes? 

6. Are you watching either Gallery Girls or Miss Advised on Bravo? I have never, ever, ever in my life come across a more disgusting, vapid group of women anywhere on TV. The housewives are all horrible, but at least they're fun to watch. 

7. The train robbery ep of Breaking Bad from last week was, perhaps, the most perfect, amazing, viscerally satisfying hour of television I have ever watched. It was like a televisionary opera. 

8. I think I'm going to get a car! I haven't had a car in like 11 years, so obvies I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. I was totally feeling this CTh Lexus hybrid, but then I saw this Infiniti on the street the other day. But the Lexus gets 40 miles per gallon and the Infiniti gets about 15. Also, the Range Rover Evoque is the most beautiful car I've ever seen in my life (though I think it's a bit big for me). I'm excited...but also kind of terrified. I got into a bad car accident when I was driving up to NYC to move here, and I haven't driven a whole lot since. Highways srsly freak me out, and I can't even talk about driving through a tunnel without starting to cry. I sound like Aviva from Real Housewives of NYC, I know. Any car advice?

9. Any of you ladiez/boyz going to Alt NYC? How bout the Blogshop NYC classes in early Sept?