[AN AMERICAN TAIL] Adventures of a Mouseketeer


Picture it: It's Thursday morning. I'm standing in my kitchen, eating my yogurt, MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, when a mouse just walks right on by, just like your roommate would.
I almost heard him say, "Hey, Amanda, what's up?"
Not only is it DISGUSTING and awful to see a mouse in your apartment, I was also taken aback by how brazen it was. Like, not even a little scared of me. This is quite concerning because I'm known for my ability to make grown men weep. It's a skill.
Hey, mouse: I'm out of the house for 14 hours a day. You can do whatever the hell you want during those hours. Bring a friend over. Watch some TV. Hang out in the dishrack, which seems to be your favorite place for some reason. If I don't see it, then it's not happening, as far as I'm concerned. But when you interrupt my breakfast, I have to do something. Like cover you up with a bowl, slide a magazine under it, and then throw you right out the window like a mob boss or Suge Knight.
You little exoskeleton-less creep. You forced me to murder you.
New life motto: don't trust anything without an exoskeleton. They will almost certainly force you to commit a crime.