Have you ever stopped to pay attention to the stream of consciousness convo you have with yourself in your head as you casually browse through your Pinterest stream? Just me? If not, I highly recommend it. I did today and I was able to very easily confirm my suspicion that I'm TOTALLY FUCKING CRAZY.

Herewith is the liveblog "transcript." I've indicated each pin I'm talking about with arrows, smiley faces, and other obnoxious graphics.

[EVERY time I see one of my pins repinned]: Somebody repinned MY pin! Even though I repinned it from someone else! Still, I RULE SO HARD!

1. I'm such a blogging idiot. Why don't I do more posts where I just take a stupid boring everyday item, write MAGIC over it in cute handwriting and then sit back and let 8 billion trillion people pin the shit out of it?

Lemons: 10 secret uses that will blow your mind...but not your budget. Pin now, read later!

15 ways to use sweat socks to organize your home. Why didn't I think of this!

Bug's not just for bugs. Another pinner said: this bug spray info literally rocked my world! Now I cook with bug spray, I clean with bug spray and I even make clothes with bug spray. Yes, really!"

Cookin with bug spray, yo. For realz.

2. How long is it before someone invents a separate Pinterest site for all the cutesy, inspirational, tug at the heart strings quotery? Quoterist? Annoyingest? Still brainstorming...

3. Hmm, this chick is going quartz crazy today. Maybe quartz is a new trend? Why do I not know about this..?

4. She looks like a baby bitch.

5. I'm I an asshole if I just don't give a shit about Butterflies? [Don't answer that]. 

6.This woman is drop dead gorgeous. I hate her so much.

7. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIT?! That door is even more beautiful that that hot chick I just decided to hate on the last pin. 

8. OOhh, best jobs in America. Interesting...let me repin this as you never know if...though I forget if my boss is following me? Cause then what's she going to think? That I don't like my job and am looking for a new one? That I'm the type that always likes to keep my options open? That I'm gunning to get a raise? That I'm an ungrateful employee that deserves to be fired. Great, NOW I'M GOING TO GET FIRED. 

9. I'm sorry, but chia pudding looks like it has bugs in it. Or mice poop. I think I'm gonna throw up in my mouth. 

10. Who the fuck is One Direction? Holy shit, I'm old. 

11. I sincerely hope these Olliblocks people have google adsense on their site or something. Cause I've seen this pin about 4036 times over the past 24 hours. These ppl are probably now in the 1% based on all the traffic and ad revenue they received from just this one pin. Obvz I need to pin this too...even though I would never do this project in a billion years. Also, yet again I'm a stupid, shitty blogger for not coming up with my own clever downloadable PDF that loads of ppl could pin and then never actually do anything with.

12. Candy corn nails? Those make me want to punch a Panda. 

13. ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THAT PHILIP LIM BAG, RIGHT NOW?? I don't even wanna know how much it costs. Yes I do. CLICK. [FUCK. FUCK. FUCK]. 


15. That cake looks nicer than my apartment. 

16. Again with the quartz! Ok, I'm definitely missing out on a trend here. Maybe I should start a new blog called The Daily Quartz? I knew I should have been keeping up with my RSS reader.

17. A quinoa slider? Ugh...I think I'd rather eat chia pudding. 

18. I think I need to start a board called "Shit I would wear if I wasn't fat."

Annnd, I'm at the end of my pins. Time to illegally download the first two eps of Downton Abbey.




So, I love the shit out of red lipstick. Only problem is: red lipstick never looks red on me. 

I see your eyes crinkling up and your head tilting right now like 'WHAAA?,' but I am TELLING YOU, this thing is true. Every time I try on red lipstick, it looks pink on me. 

I have told this fact to many doubters throughout the years. People j-u-s-t like you, who swear that they are the ones, who at long last, can find the true red shade that will look candy apple, corvette, wicked queen red on my lips. They've taken me to department stores, drug stores, and deep into the realms of their own make-up drawers...and yet never has anyone been able to crack this nut. 

Most recently a kicky make-up artist named Desiree at the Bobbi Brown counter at Bloomingdales took this red/pink admission of mine on as a personal challenge. She said she'd never heard of anything like this before and swore she would find me a red that looked red on me. 24 minutes later, after visiting with her friend Wendy at the Chanel counter, and even dragging me over to see Victor at the Giorgio Armani counter, Desiree finally accepted defeat. 

I'm not 100% certain why it is that my lips simply refuse to register a red hue. It might be due to the fact that my skintone is as white as the driven snow (i.e. corpse like). I mean, I'm just about as white as they come--like "Ivory" foundation sort of makes me look tan. But this red bullshit is seriously annoying. And also, lots of other pale people wear red lipstick.

Is there ANYONE else out there that has this problem? Are all pale women wearing red lipstick being photoshopped? I feel like I'm in that Will Smith movie where the world has ended and it's just me left...wearin my pink lipstick. All alone. 

image via




via SwissMiss



Pinterest has done wonders for my fantasy life. Not sexually, you perverts. Sheesh. 

I mean, like I pin all this shit that I can't afford, won't ever cook, could only wear if I didn't have a fat ass, wouldn't really have enough guts to put in my house, etc. I have like this entire pretend life on there. And so I decided to start this new series where I show you shit I'd be wearing, buying, making, doing if I actually lived in this make believe world. Today's versh: Adventures in Pretending to be Rich.

Oh, HAI friend! Sorry I couldn't make it to your stupid dinner party/book club/house-warming thingy last night! I decided on a whim to fly out to Positano. Have I mentioned that I keep a suite at La Sirenuse? Yeah, cause ya know, it's very hard to predict when I might just get the random urge to go to the Amalfi Coast, and when I do I like to be very fucking prepared.  You know how I always like to prepared, riiight?? R-I-G-H-T. 


So yeah, I'm in Positano. 

I'm actually writing you from the pool, where I'm sitting having a lovely breakfast of fattening, delicious Italian Pastries. The light glinting off of my vintage emerald Van Cleef ring is hard to manage, but I'm wearing my expensive Italian sunglasses, so I ain't sweatin it. Plus the ring matches my new green bikini, and Enzo, my waiter, already told me it brings out the green in my eyes. 

I'll probably be here for a couple of weeks, but honestly this feels like my home away from home. The staff makes sure the local florist sends over a new arrangement of fresh flowers every few days (so sweet!) and my new fave drink is limoncello with Diet Coke, natch.

I should be back by the 12th, but I'm waiting to get word on when our house is going to be finished. Kelly Wearstler is redecorating it for us and I really just don't want to rush her creative process. You know what that's like!

Anyway, hope all is well with you or whatever.



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I don't know why, but this week feels like a major hello/goodbye one.

Hello to the weekend, goodbye to a long, crazy work week. 

Hello to the MOTHERFUCKING FALL! Goodbye to the disgusting summer. 

Hello to the Jewish Holidays and a new year. 

Hello SF (work trip!), goodbye NY (just for a week)

Hello new season of TV! (I have missed you more than a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g), goodbye Honey Boo Boo (ok, that's a lie. 

Hello dorky blog post, goodbye to my self respect.

Or something like that. 

Have a fab weekend, you hot, sexy btchz.

images via mah Instagram

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