[A GIRL CAN DREAM] Everything in Lee J. Rowland's Collection

Lee J. Rowland, a London designer who creates all kinds of crazy tables that cost more than my parents' house, has captured my heart by creating two tables that 1.) allow you to store your hooch and keep it cold INSIDE the table and 2.) display profanity for everyone to see and get upset about.

Wine Cooler Tables (1,200 pounds): If you're a boozehound like me, this is your eternal struggle: you want to keep a stockpile of drinks in front of you.  Why?  Because you're doing a powerhour and you can't waste even ONE MINUTE getting up, walking to the fridge, and replenishing your supply. You can put a ton of drinks in reserve on the table, but they get warm, and who wants that?  NO ONE.  This table, however pricey, solves that problem by building an ice bucket INTO the actual table.  Genius. 

LED Watch Table (18,500 pounds): Okay, so this might look like something out of The Jetsons, but come ON.  It's a for real LED screen that you can program to either read the time or read up to 8 letters.  The idea that I could program my coffee table to say "SUCK IT" in illuminated red letters makes me wish that I didn't choose a job in the media industry where it will be 700 years before I can begin to make more money than my 16-year-old brother does at his part-time job as a dishwasher.

Check out all of his crazy creations here.  Maybe, if you start saving now, your family can have your funeral luncheon on one of these tables.