CAL-IF-FOR-NUUUUUH (SUNG TO THE TUNE OF THE OC THEME SONG)

Ok, ppl. I'm here! I made it!

And I kind of feel like I just got dropped off from my maximum security prison cell (with no window) into the swimming pool of the Beverly Hills Hotel. THIS PLACE IS MOTHERFUCKING PARADISE! WHAT WAS I THINKING SLUMMING IT IN NYC ALL THOSE YEARS!?

All of you LA people have cracked the Da Vinci Code, or know "The Secret" or are just plain way the hell smarter than everyone else on planet Earth. Because right now I'm feeling like I can't even believe that I just got onto a plane on Sat and landed here in la la...and now just have this amazing, fantabulous, big time baller life. 

Case in point, shine your peepers on some of my Instagrams this week. Here is a quick list of the shit that has gone down in like only 3 days:  

• We live in this kickass, adorable, spanish house in the hills of Studio City. Sure when I lived here 13 years ago the idea of living in the 818 was akin to social suicide, but times have changed. And now the valley is, dare I say it, kind of cool. Ish at least. And if there is ANY part of the valley that can get away with even associating itself with the word "cool" without getting punched in the dick, Studio City is it. I know I promised up and down that I would never start another blog, but as a sidenote, Studio City seems to have nada in the way of cool blogs, so maaaaaaaaybe. But so far, I'm loving the shit out of it here. 
• Ollie flew on a plane and made it here...and he didn't die and I didn't die.
• I got a car. Holy shit, I OWN A CAR. Well, lease one, actually, but still: maje! Watch out drivers of Los Angeles. And I can just talk to my car and tell it to do shit. Like there is this little button on the steering wheel and when you press it, it goes beep and then you say shit like: "Call Ninedaves" and beep boop beep bop, two seconds later it's just making the phonecall for me. I live in LA now, ppl...I ain't got time for shit like dialing phones.
• I have a washer...and a dryer. They wash and dry my things for free!
• And a garage! I can store stuff in there. You know, in case I run out of space in my house...that is 3.5 times the size of my apartment. Not counting our deck. Anyone want to store some shit? No problemo! I've got space to share! Just kidding! IT'S ALL MINE!
• I went shopping at the beautiful supermarket (and yes, I know calling Ralph's "beautiful" is as ridiculous as calling the valley "cool" but stick with me for a moment). We bought 15 bags of shit and I didn't have to carry any of it! I just loaded it into cart, then into my swanky car, drove it back up to my swanky house, and then had ENOUGH ROOM ON MY KITCHEN COUNTERS TO PUT ALL THAT SHIT DOWN! And enough room in my fridge! Oh, and if I didn't have enough room, we have another refrigerator in the garage to put shit in. No big whoop (I.E. BIGGEST FUCKING WHOOP IN THE HISTORY OF ALL WHOOPS). 
• I have a beautiful deck, with a beautiful view, where I can sit in a pillowed chair, stare at mountains and surf on the internet. Basically, my deck is my new office. THIS IS THE KIND OF PARADISE THAT THEY WROTE ABOUT IN THE BIBLE. 
• I could fit like...uhm...5 people in my bathroom comfortably. Why would I want to fit 5 people in there, you might be wondering? That is none of your business! I just wanted you to know that it was an option, yo!
• I live 11 minutes away from my bestie cuz Meri, and like 10 mins away from my bestie bro Ted, and I live within walkind distance of Marshalls! And within a few mins of every other major big box store that I'm obvz completely and totally obsessed with. 
• I can eat In-n-Out whenever I damn well please.
• I'M SO BLOWN AWAY BY ALL THIS SHIT, I CANNNNN'T STOP USING CAPS. HELP ME STOP USING CAPS. I WANT TO PUNCH MYSELF IN THE FACE SO HARD. 

Comments

[patty blaettler]

Congratulations!
I've been reading a book set in California, and I've been asking myself "Why the hell don't I live there?" (just today, actually)

I am happy for you.

[houseofjules]

Oh, E! I'm so happy for all 3 of you! The pic of Ollie with the H'wood sign in the background made my heart thump. Love. it. So happy you're happy! xoox