'Hamptons Out of Reach?' Try This Shitty Town

Ok, look: I can't afford a house in the Hamptons. And I'm a human, breathing person, so duh...of course I'd *like* to have one.

I often think that I'd like to have any vacation house really, only I'm realizing that that's not true. Cause after reading this WSJ article, I've realized I sure as fuck don't want a vacation house in Rockaway Beach.

The marketer (and real estate magnate wannabe) in me can't help but love these sorts of stories. The formula seems to mostly be this: 1. identify desirable expensive vacation town that no one can afford anymore. 2. Offer up close-ish, totally undeseriable vacation town nearby. 3. Tell everyone this totally undeseriable town is the next hot town.

Amazingly, this shit works E-V-E-R-Y time. I mean, I GUARANTEE YOU that the phones at the real estate offices in Rockaway Beach are ringing off the fucking hook this week after this WSJ bullshit. Even after the real estate agent herself pretty much came out and said in the article: this place is one step above sucking and there is nothing to eat here (also, is it me or are there some boarded up houses in that pic??).

Whatevs. Here's my formula: follow the gays...they know wtf they're talking about. I'll see all your asses in Asbury Park.