The Rainbow Connection

images via Hooked on Houses

Take a good long look at these pics above. Are your eyes bleeding now? Brain melting through your ears? Cells jumping out of your body just so that they don't have to absorb those colors for one more hot second?.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Paint is truly like the gateway drug to interior design. And yeah: most people need to be nominated for an ep of "Intervention."

If you think this crazy paintin shit is uncommon, I'm here to tell you that you are wrong, wronger and wrongest. 

The reason I know this is because I regularly look at real estate ads. LOTS of real estate ads. Real estate ads for houses, across a fairly wide spectrum of prices, in three different states. And the most common feature that all of these houses share, is that a vast majority of these joints look like Rainbow Brite and Lucky the Leprachaun got high, ate bad California Rolls, and then threw up all the hell all over the place. 

Royal blue living rooms, that lead to sunny yellow kitchens, that lead to apple green hallways, that lead to purple passion porches. For the love of of Bravo reality TV shows and all that is holy to me: ROYGBIV is not a fucking color palette! 

image via Hooked on HousesAnd if you've ever spent any time on the "popular" feed on Pinterest, I KNOW you know what' I'm talkin bout, Willis. Now, as we've established many times before, I'm a total asshole. So yeah, I'm being a little bit judge-y here. I do love the idea that paint is this great equalizer. That even if you're not sure footed with your interior design skills, you can go buy a couple of gallons of paint and really make some significant, noticeable changes in your space. But that doesn't mean you should just go pick any ole paint chip and go match it up with some other random paint chip and then, BOOM. There's your color scheme!

Nuh Uh.

Step away from the dropcloth, ppl. 

Cause I'm not sayin you can't mix-n-match colors in a major way, but if your name isn't Miles Redd, chances are you need to dial it down a notch or two. This color theory stuff is intense. I mean, people actually get degrees in this shit! 

So before you attempt any major projects, all you Rainbow Brite wannabees need to go phone a friend. You know, like a friend who is a starving artist and has nothing better to do all day than hang out with you at Benjamin Moore, or maybe that gay dude you work with who always wears the Bonobos pants? And then once you find that friend, you need to ask that friend for help. And then you need to listen to that friend....HARD. And then maybe...just m-a-y-b-e we can put a stop to people doing stuff like this:

image via Curbed.com