[THINGS IN HIS HOUSE THAT MAKE ME SAD] His Futon 'Sofa' From Ikea

There are many things in his apartment that make Anna Goldfarb from Shmitten Kitten sad (sometimes glad, but mostly sad). She's promised to tell us all about them (yay!).

Whenever I walk into a guy's house and I see a futon, I let out a little whimper. I don't care how many pillows he tosses on the thing or how many blankets he drapes over the back, that uncomfortable piece of furniture will never be a couch. It's not even in the couch family. It's like a couch's second cousin's half-brother's roommate. I'm pretty sure they're not even friends. If the couch got married to a sofa, the futon wouldn't even be on the invite list.

For one thing, we can't lie down on it comfortably together. I mean, it's kind of hard to be relaxed with a huge metal pipe digging into my back. The pillows always slip through the arm railing thingy so we slide down like angel hair pasta through a colander. I hate that metal arm bar. Why didn't they make that out of something--oh, I don't know--soft? That one tweak would improve our time in his living room immensely.

I think a half-deflated air mattress has more cushioning than this "mattress." It's all lumpy from years of flopping around and it has weird stains on it that I don't that I don't even want to get into. GOD FORBID if we ever got in a tickle fight and I somehow landed facedown on the fabric. I would do everything in my power not to inhale because I know it will smell like pepperoni meets sweatpant crotch. *shudder*

This futon has got to go. It's basically like trying to watch a movie while lounging on a barbecue grill with a cloth napkin on it. And, that just makes me sad.

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