[9 BY DESIGN RECAP] Episode 5: With Benefits
Wednesday, May 12, 2010 at 07:00AM | by Erica 
Ok, this shit is getting a little eerie: we're five weeks into 9 By Design, and there is literally not ONE FRIGGIN THING I can find wrong with this family.
I mean, have you people SEEN my other blog? All I do is make fun of bitchez. Our tagline is "embrace the hate," so yeah: I'm REALLY good at embracing it. And yet, here's what I did tonight during a good portion of this latest ep of 9 By Design:
Before we get into any of this stuff, can we all just click on over to DKMS to sign-up to be bone marrow donors? The Novogratzes are trying to get 999 peeps to sign up in honor of their daughter Tallulah's friend Jasmina who was suffering from Leukemia. I just signed up so that's only 998 to go...hop to it.
So yeah: this one was all about raising money and doing good (well except for another Dave Barry project).
We were introduced to Cortney's friend Thea and her adorable daughter Jasmina. I was wrecked to learn before the show aired that Jasmina actually passed away earlier this year. I mean, shit: I can't *imagine* how hard this must have been for her family to watch, but hopefully they were able to spread the word and do some good by bringing some awareness. Anyway, Cort decides she wants to try to raise some money to help Thea pay for some of the insane medical bills that have been accumulating and everyone joins in to help.
Meanwhile on the other side of the island, Bob is cooking up his own fundraiser for a basketball charity he started called The City. Unsurprisingly, the Novos oldest, blazingly good looking son Wolfie appears to be a bball phenom in the making, and so they need to raise a bazillion dollars in order to buy him a helicopter in the shape of a basketball to fly him all over the tri-state area.
Ok, that's a lie. BUT, I kinda wish that shit were true. I've alluded to this before, and I think it bears worth repeating: as much as I love those crazy Novos, the tension needs to be seriously ramped up on this mofo. I mean, SOMEONE on this friggin thing needs to have a meltdown. Or throw a fit. Or beat someone up...I'll seriously take ANY of those scenarios. Because I'm concerned that we're all just gonna get bored soon, ya know? Cause all we've got now is fake, manufactured tension (will they finish the project on time??? Will they find a nanny???). I don't know...think I need someone to get arrested.
Anyway, of course Wolfie doesn't give a rat's ass about a helicopter...the fundraiser is for paying for a coach for the kids and all sorts of other fab, worthwhile stuff. Daddy Bob, of course, has an endless supply of killer ideas about how to snazz up the gym where they're holding this thing (a hula hoop chandelier!) and he's hoping to make enough money so that he *could* buy a helicopter if he wanted to. Which he doesn't. But still.
Let's talk about Dave Barry for a sec. Here's my theory: this dude DESPERATELY wanted to be on every ep of the show. He was banging down Andy Cohen's door at Bravo, begging for his own trailer and a guest spot on "Watch What Happens." And so, in order to ensure screen time, he's now just literally inventing projects that he needs Sixx Design's "help on." Case in point: his office. I get that this show was primarily about the fundraisers, but also I need a lil bit more real estate porn to sink my teeth into. And Dave Barry's lame office in Hoboken or wherever the fuck that was, ain't cuttin it.
But ok, whatevs: It's a small project and Cort agrees to do it. There's some more manufactured tension when Bob decides that instead of just taking payment for their design services as a donation to the basketball thingy, he wants more money. Cort tries and he doesn't go for it. OH WELLZERS. I'm not even offended by the fact that these two are claiming they need money when they live in a MANSION on the West Side Hwy, cause I'm guessing it costs approximately 9 million dollars a year to support a family of 7 in NYC. Also, if Robert wears a new vintage hat EVERY DAY that shit adds up.
Though, while we're talking about Bob's fashion sense, I'm guessing that The Sartorialist would not approve:
WTF is up with the tie, dude?? You're clearly embarassing your entire family here.
I really think the new rule should be: only one douchey vintage accessory at a time. Like if you're already wearing a vintage douchey hat, then that's it. If you're willing to give up the douchey hat, THEN we can start talking about vintage douchey ties over waffle shirts. Cool?
They also start laying the groundwork this ep for a discussion regarding selling their house. This is a nice attempt at some more manufactured tension cause, as we all know, they're still there. I did enjoy the minute or so where Bob went to go look at a new project in the village that they were considering buying (DEAR BRAVO:MORE REAL ESTATE, PLS!!!). I mean clearly, both Bob-n-Cortney have insanely good taste and could turn any piece of shit house into a show-piece.
I'm inadvertently picking up killer design tips from both of the Novos on every ep. Like, I love, love, LOVED the idea of re-upholstering a chair with two coordinating fabrics. Though I sort of wish Cort didn't go for the stripes as I think they look a bit too literal with the wall treatment. In fact, there is something about those stripes on the wall that is seriously bugging me. I'm thinking maybe they are too far away from each other or something, but it looks a bit off to me. Or maybe that's just the pics which are, AGAIN, blurry as fuck. Srsly, Bravo...this shit is getting annoying. How's my ass supposed to do a proper recap with blurried up photos!?? Maybe next week they should do a fucking fundraiser for Bravo, so that they can afford to hire a PA who can take a goddamned picture.
Anyway.
They used The Shade Store for their re-upholstery job of those two chairs in Barry's office, and it did look like they did a killer job. I don't even see mention of re-upholstery on their site, but maybe the Novos get hooked up.
They also did this pretty killer B&W photo wall at the office, which was a super chic way of re-inventing that messy tradition of a million little framed pics on a desk. The Novogratzes consistently do v. cool shit with print, art, and imagery (the maps to the side of the front door on the Hamptons house, the "family" light boxes, etc.) and I always love to see what they're going to drop on our faces with each project. They used Duggal in NYC to produce the photo "wallpaper."
I totally loved how Cort said that they always like to include something old, and chipped with history to remind us all that life isn't perfect and that's ok. I mean a;sfdljaslfdjsflsjfdlsdfj! How hard do these Novos rule???
So yeah, both fundraisers go off without a hitch. The Jasmina event was incredibly touching, and I'm guessing they raised some serious cash for her and her mom.
The hula hoop chandelier looked like a big piece of shit, so they scrapped that but the fundraiser was great. All the basketball players got up and introduced themselves, and it was super sweet to watch these kids in their little suits. And they ended up raising 50k, so yeah...they're not sweatin it.
Next Week:
The Novos pack up and go to London for a book signing. Like with their WHOLE family. But they booked their space for the wrong week! ZOMG! I wonder if Andy Cohen had NOTHING to do with that???? WHAT WILL THE NOVOS DOOOOOOOOOO?????
9 By Design, TV | 5 Comments 
Reader Comments (5)
I almost cried when I realized Jasmina died. I love your recap. Gonna maybe post some and link from my blog? My readers love these reality tv show recaps.
Also, how much better are the novos than any other people you know or on tv. THe RHONY are putting on these fake fucking charities for bullshit where they spend more money than they raise . They just like to feel like heros. But this couple's fund raisers were genuine. Which makes it not torture to watch.
And I use the shade store too, but i had no idea they did upholstery.
i KNOW!!!! i fucking love the novogratzzz'zzzs!!!!!!
i want to be married to them.
i have one kid and i am no where near as laid back as cort. she rocks my world.
i haven't see the episode yet. but will most likely watch it tonight after supermike goes to bed.
@sketch42: Link it up, baby! :)
I just don't know if I buy it. They seem so perfect. Even when they're having voice-raising worthy conversations, they don't raise their voices. Where's all the crap that comes with having seven kids? Is an entire floor of their six story home dedicated to junk and no one is allowed to go on that floor? Do they have a housekeeping team? Come on, in one day of living my husband and I without kids generate at least one trash bag worth of take out containers, junk mail, q tips, tissues, etc...how are nine people living in such an immaculate home? I like them, I had their book before the show came out, I want to be them, or at least be friends with them, but I am suspicious. That is all.
OK, the ep was cool, but Rob is starting to get on my nerves. The dude could turn down the douche dial a bit.