[DESIGN WTF] You Don't Live Near a Beach

My sophomore year of college, my roommates decided that we would need to have a theme to our apartment's living room.  Everyone (excluding me, because I didn't care) locked eyes and shreiked, "OMG BEACH THEME!"

We were living in an apartment on-campus, which meant all of our furniture was dorm-issued, so the beach theme was limited to hanging up various beach posters on the wall.  My mother, who cares about these things much more than I do, contributed by purchasing one of those light up palm trees that we placed between two armchairs.  I contributed to the theme by drinking about 10,000 Coronas.  

These kind of questionable design choices are fine when you're living in a college dorm, where your design choices amount to, "Which poster should I get at the poster fair?"  But for god's sake, I just don't get the beach-themed stuff that shows up in adult apartments.

 

This is a page from Crate & Barrel's Spring 2010 catalog.  "Inspiration from nature," they call it.  I call it "inspiration from douchebags."

There is nothing more depressing than not living on or near a beach, but pretending you do by putting conch shells all over the place.  And conch shells? Really?  What is this, Lord of the Flies?   

Oh, look at this mirror made out of driftwood and these rugs made out of hemp and seaweed, I'm so beachy and relaxed! 

Slow down, Little Mermaid.  You're not beachy and relaxed, you're an idiot.  It's just like those bitches that would put those dumbass "LIVE LAUGH LOVE" plaques all over their houses.  They were the nastiest bitches I have ever met—the only laughing they did was at other people, and the only loving they did was with their best friend's boyfriend. 

So seriously, get a grip.  You don't live near a beach.  If you can't see a body of water directly from your window, you are forbidden to have a beach theme. 

Get rid of the driftwood and conch shells before you snap, go overboard, and decide to pour sand all over your floors.

Comments

[sketch42]

UM yes. Nothing is worse than people who put "dream" on their walls. FUCK those people.