[Design on TV #1] Dexter

Design on TV is recurring column that allows TV fanatics to step into the world of their favorite TV shows by offering up a list of real-life items that will allow you to trick out your place in that show's signature fashion.  Some people call it an "homage." Some people call it "sick."  We call it "entertaining."

Design on TV #1: Dexter

For those of you who don't watch (why?!), Dexter is a brilliant show starring Michael C. Hall as Dexter Morgan, a serial killer with a heart of gold.  Okay, maybe not gold per se, but whatever.  He's the protagonist, and he only kills bad guys, and who doesn't love a vigilante now and then? 

We've been with him for four seasons now, watching him kill, maim, and carefully chop up a variety of assorted criminals.  The twist?  He works in the Miami Police Department as a Blood Spatter Analyst.  His sister (played by Hall's real-life wife, Jennifer Carpenter) works with him as an eager young detective, his girlfriend-turned-wife is a nag (bitch was killed at the end of the last season!), his newborn son is the first thing he ever actually loved (his sister comes a close second), and his adopted father Harry haunts him from the grave.  To say I'm a little obsessed would be like saying I'm a "little obnoxious."  This is full blown, people. 

Awhile back, Elle Decor did a feature on a Dexter Dining Room, and it was ridiculous.  Let's steal borrow a few items from them, shall we? 

1. Nava Lubelski's "Daydream" paintings:  Daydreams for who?  John Wayne Gacy? But we're talking serial killers here, and these are actually quite beautiful.  Since Dexter spends the majority of his time covered in blood (for work and for play), this fits nicely.

 

2. Dismembered Flatware Set ($350): Dexter slices and dices his victims—making everything highly up close and personal.  His boat is named "Slice of Life" for Christ's sake.  To make it even more perfect, this flatware set is designed by a guy named Steve Butcher (seriously).  The classic set is shown here, and while it's $350 for a set of five, they're just so fucking cool I can barely stand it. 

3.Bloody Evidence Chef's Knife ($14.99): I was able to dig up some original stuff because I can't very well rip off ALL of Elle Decor's suggestions, right?  Check this out: a potential weapon or a ridiculous kitchen tool?  I'LL NEVER TELL.  No, seriously.  Don't ask me questions about this. 

4. Horror Movie Shower Curtain & Bathmat ($19.99): Listen, sometimes it's scary to wake up in the morning.  This little gem is especially appropriate since Dexter's wife, Rita, met her demise in a bloody bathtub in last year's season finale.  Bloody hand and feet prints might be off-putting to certain guests (like, your mother-in-law, for example), but just tell them it's just a joke... for now.   

5. Blood Slide Coasters ($34.99): Okay, okay so these are marketed directly by Showtime and they say "Dexter" on them (upping the cheesey factor to Velveeta levels) but come ON. Blood slides! In a replica box that he keeps in his air conditioner!

6. LG Air Conditioner: Speaking of air conditioners, here's the model that he uses to put his blood slides in, or "trophies" as people in the bizzzzz call them (or people like me who have watched about 700 episodes of Law & Order SVU in the past week and a half).  Hi, I keep bloody slides hidden inside of my air conditioner, and every time I close the vent it says, "Life's Good." Hilarious