Design Star IN MY FACE

So this happened.

(And yes that photo was taken with MY MOTHERFUCKING CELL PHONE! LAST NIGHT! AT THE SHELTERPOP/MGBW EVENT!).

[RECORD SCRATCH].

Ok, so I had zero clue that the HGTV Design Star crew would be there...and when they walked in I was so taken aback I mostly just stared (oh, and took more cell phone photos). And then the adorable-licious Amy from Shelterpop came over and introduced me! To Michael! And Nina! And if you think meeting someone face-to-face who you've blogged and bitched about for weeks on end is weird, then you are so fucking right. It was. It was so very weird...and so very fabulous.

I know you want deets, so here are the answers to all of your burning questions:

What was Michael like?

Well, the first thing he said to me was "sorry, I'm not wearing a SCAAAARF!" BWHAAHHHHAAAA. Dude at least has a sense of humor...and clearly reads Design Blahg. So, yeah, I dug that.

What was Nina like?

We talked for a few mins and she was actually really nice. She talked about her dogs...and told me that they look like Reindeer. Which, yes, is slightly weird since Reindeer are gigantic and Chihuahuas are tiny, but I just went with it. She also said that she really loves all the bloggers, and takes the good press along with the bad press. No matter what I have to say about Nina's design skills, I do have to give her props for totally getting it when it comes to that, and just choosing to have fun with it all. At least that's what she says does.

Was Michael wearing more bronzer than you have ever seen on a man's face before?

Why yes...yes he was.

Uhm, Michael looks hella short. Is he shorter than Vern?

Quite possibly. Not sure how I never noticed this before, but DAYM. The dude is verrrrry petite.

Did they both blame editing for their controversial TV "personas?"

Yes...duh.

What was Nina wearing?

A short pink dress that may or may not have been a nightgown (yes it *could* have been a nightgown from Anthropologie, but still it looked kind of nightgownish). Big belt, black bra (straps showing obvies), horbs Steve Madden sale rack sandals (oops...they just LOOKED like Steve Maddens...they were Jimmy Choos! My badz), and a leather ankle bracelet. Much like you, I had no earthly clue that women still wore leather ankle bracelets, but I'm sad to confirm that, in fact, they do.

What was Michael wearing?

A very unfortunate pair of shorts and a plain top. He actually did not looked dressed for an event like this at all which led me to draw 1 of 2 conclusions:

1. He was trying to fly VERY under the radar and look casz, so he dressed like a homeless person. Of course this ended up bringing way more attention than he would have if he just wore a fucking pair of jeans in the first place, but whatevs. Also, let's get real: Michael does not have a "fly under the radar" bone in his body.
2. I've been so distracted by all the fashion faux pas of the judges, and Courtland's v-necks all season, I haven't noticed the depth of Michael's fashion ineptitude. Come to think of it he was wearing suspenders last week with jeans....and he's ALWAYS in a vest.

So we're going to go with door #2, ppl.

Did Michael & Nina badmouth Emily without any prompting whatsoever?

Yes...both of them.

Was it ridiculously lame?

T-O-T-A-L-L-Y.

Did that make me think EVEN MORE that Emily is the winner of this show?

100%!--bitter is the new black, ppl. And if I had just won my own damn show...even on a second rate cable channel, I don't think I'd be quite so crankypants.

Did you ask them who won?

Yes...well, Shelterpop Amy did. And they wouldn't tell us. But again, they both had this negative lilt in their voice that provided me with further evidence that they seemed miffed by the winner.

How did Nina's boobs look?

Pretty killer.

Was there food?

A whole spread of amazing cheese from Murray's cheese. There was wine too, but I don't remember where it was from. But yes: there was a motherlode of cheese...AND IT WAS GOOD.

Did you get drunk?

Nah..

Any other good shit go down?

Well, Nina told us that she looks like an old, fat man in her driver's license photo (though she wouldn't show us). And also that when she was in High School she won an award that Mayor Giuliani presented her, and she had green hair at the time. Michael had to attend to his gay gang, so he didn't stay and chat as long as Neeners did.

Also, I found out that my husband and I don't have any relationship problems because a feng shui expert said so.

What a long, strange trip its been, bitches.