I Loved The #MarthaBlogger Party More Than A Fat Kid Loves Cake

Way to ruin every networking party that I'll ever go to, like EVER AGAIN, Martha Stewart! Cause now I'm just gonna be comparing them all to #marthablogger's Blogger's Night Out. Holy shit that thing ruled my face so hard!

So, in case you've been living under a rock, Martha Stewart had a little bloggy blog bloggerson get together last night at her offices here in NYC. The who's who of the Bloggerati were invited, as well as some Bloggerati posers like moi, and we were all to gather on the scenic roofdeck for bloggy cocktails and blogacious light snacks. Only hitch was, temps yesterday were just a leetle bit hotter than this:

And thankfully some fucking intern or something was like "uhm, maybe we should move the par-tay indoors?" So they ditched the roof, and 400+ blogariffic bloggers all gathered in some deep recess of the office for 2 hours of Marth-ified #marthablogger mayhem.

Herewith are all highlights from the eve (at least the non-lame ones):

Immediately upon entering I was offered this green, kind of scary looking sludge-y beverage. I thought it looked a bit like a wheatgrass shake, but I was like: ok whatevs...when in Rome Martha Stewart's office, blah, blah, blah. This magic drink turned out to be some basil, granita, delicious atom bomb that I'm, quite frankly, still dreaming about. It was such a killer, kickass drink for such a hot night as the little pieces of ice were like little angels dancing in your mouth each time you took a sip. It was sweet-ish, but not too sweet and I tasted not a LICK of alcohol (or basil really?), eventhough I got clearly a bit buzzed after finishing one big glass of it. Needless to say, I went in for more....and then one more. Oopsie. Also, for the record, there were 2 or 3 other signature looking drinks making their way around: some blueberry or blackberry number that I was petrified I would drip on my white dress, some lemonade-y thing and some ginger apricot thingamajiggy. Oh and champs...obvies.

The runway approach to the actual par-tay had a few killer fave Martha Stewart Wedding vendors, like THE PIPE CLEANER LADY! Holy christ this chick was Kool Moe D. Clicking over to her website may result in something akin to taking 2 hits of E, but do it anyway cause this chick can do things with pipe cleaners that you've only DREAMED about. Look at how pretty this shiz is:

photo: Bill MuellerThen, I see this little make-up area and as I walk by and someone makes eye contact with me and says: "would you like some false eyelashes?" Uhm, ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTELY I would. OK, I didn't say fuck out loud, but I was thinking it really hard in my head. Then some sweet chick from the Paul Lebrecque salon hooked me up with some killer lashes. COME. TO. MAMA. This picture sucks a dizzle, but trust me when I say: I looked totally fucking spectacular.

Except, jayzus...wtf is with those lines in my forehead?? Maybe next time you can have botox at your blahg-er part-ay Marth??

Oh, also if you're picturing some janky table with nametags and sharpies, think ah-gain. We all had our own fancy nametags, which were pretty and totally legible and even included the Twitter hashtag for the evening! I have to say it is so friggin annoying when you go to these sorts of events and the nametags are crappy and hard to read and don't include your Twitter info. I hope whoever planned this mofo gets a gigantic raise immeds.

So once you walked into the big space where the party was goin down it was like a combo trade show networking event. All of the different Martha entities had little tables set up and were staffed with lovely, smiling, helpful Martha workers who were just dying to pass out more fun shit, or delicious snacks, or give you a stamp in your passport!

I'm not normally into this cheesy kinda shit, but I loved the crap out of this little passport they were giving out:

 

Here's how it worked: each diff Martha dept compiled a list of all their fave NYC secret special hotspots, and then they had them all printed on a stamp. So you were supposed to go walk around, say hi to the Martha bees and then get a stamp for a diff page of your passport Marthaport. When you were done, you were left with a list of all sorts of fab Martha approved places to check out in the city.

While there wasn't a ton of food, there were some srsly delish snackies, and plenty to go around. They had these fab, delish little sliders, chicken drums, some sushi and SMORE'S!

photo: @everydayfoodThey were also giving out a metric ton of kool prizes and guess who's ass won a gigantic, heavy, I have no fucking clue how I'm getting this back to Brooklyn Ottlight Craft Plus Floor Lamp? ME ME ME ME.

On top of all the food, booze, fake eyelashes, passports and prize patrols, I had a fab time chatting with all sorts of fly ladiez like: @niche, @amyblogschow, @bee_kim, @brendee, @brooklynbride, @MrsLimestone (briefly!), @MsMatchGirl, @seriouslysoupy and like a billion others.

But yes, all good things eventually must come to an end and so as the Martha janitors and cleaning crew were sweeping up abandoned pipe cleaner rings and tissue paper flowers, I decided it might be time to leave. But not before I got my TWO GIGANTIC FUCKING GIFT BAGS. And yes, there def were all the expected Martha publications in there (Weddings, Living, Everyday Food, etc) but there was also all sorts of good shit: like a bag full of craft Kraft products (including these new minty/fudge-y oreos that taste like grasshoppers, a little can of Martha paint, some gum, a craft cutter thing to make pretty paper-y stuff, Martha dish soap, a t-shirt and my fave item by far: a little battery powered mist fan that you can fill up with water and put on your keychain!

So yeah: basically, it was the best gift bag in like the history of ever.

Now my only question is: when are we doing this again??? No, like for realz?

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