ROUND-UP: OFFICE SUPPLIES

Oh, what's that? 

You hate your job and your life?

You think that nothing could possibly as depressing as the thought of another day trapped in your tiny, gray cubicle under harsh fluorescent lights? 

You think that if you're called into one more goddamned meeting where you sit silently while some windbag drones on just to hear himself talk you're going to jump out of the conference room window screaming "FREE AT LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST!"?

Okay, hold it.  It's not that bad. 

Or, maybe it is. I DON'T KNOW YOUR LIFE. 

Regardless, here's a little round-up of fun office stuff that will make life in the old cell block a little more bearable.

1. Nasty Notes (Perpetual Kid, $7.99): True confessions—I actually have these post-it notes at work.  I'm what some people would call "a character" (or what other people would call "obnoxious"). I have this title because of, among other things, my liberal use of the word "douchebag" in an otherwise professional setting.  These notes are a good way to let your co-workers know exactly how you feel about them.  Not pictured is a second set of notes which simply says "DOUCHEBAG ALERT" where you can site where exactly the douchebag is located (behind you, in front of you, or, my personal favorite, "it's you").  

2. Useless Folders (Knock Knock, $9): Not that I'm still talking about high school or anything, but in high school, I was totally voted "Most Likely to Tell it Like it Is" in our Senior Class Superlatives.  While I'm aware that this loosely translates into the "biggest bitch" award, I wear it as a badge of honor and live the sentiment.  Ima call you on shit. If I had a lesser boss, I would have already gotten fired. Luckily, she puts up with me and my truth bombs.  Here's the ultimate truth bomb folder for anyone who has ever gone through the motions of bringing a folder or a notepad into a meeting, only to leave with a blank pad.

3. Grass Headz (Office Playground, $4.99): Studies show that plants help you to be calm and more serene, but since I am out-of-control responsible about e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, I would take possession of this little guy as the ultimate suicide prevention.  I can't slit my wrists in the supply closet, I've got that plant to take care of. 

4. BIG Sound Speakers (Spoon Sisters, $49.95): Sometimes, the only way to get through the day is to shove your headphones in your ears and just try to drown everything out.  No one knows that you're listening to old-school rap, which is why they still think you're approachable, rather than about to get into an East Coast vs. West Coast shoot out.  Think about how much more everyone would leave you the hell alone if you made your music selection public.  There's nothing better than playing some Tupac ("I wake up in the morning and I ask myself/is life worth living?/should I blast myself?") or Papa Roach's "Last Resort" to get everyone to steer clear of your desk.

5. Cardboard Buck Jr. Trophy (Fred Flare, $32): Turn your boring cubicle into a bonafide hunting lodge with this cardboard buck head.  People will be so mystified.  Are you suddenly a Republican?  Are you slowly losing your mind?  If anyone asks you if you actually hunt in real life, cock one eyebrow and reply, "Yes, but I only hunt the most dangerous game..."  Fast-forward 15 minutes, and you'll be all like, "What do you mean I'm needed in the HR office?"

6. DEAL WITH THIS Stamp (Knock Knock, $10): On your resume, you're supposed to use proactive words, like "managed" and "spearheaded," rather than "dealt with" or "begrudingly accepted responsibility for," but if we're being honest, 99% of the things anyone does on the job is dealing with other people's bullshit. Why not be up front about it?  Whenever you give something to a co-worker that you know will absolutely hate you for dropping this on their laps—stamp it with "DEAL WITH THIS," and walk away smiling. Because for about 15 minutes, that shit ain't your problem.

7. Ideas Kraft Journal (Knock Knock, $8): Are you just a really intense proponent of the green movement, or are you just so unbelievably apathetic that you're advertising it now?  Keep 'em guessing!

8. Temperature Task Clips (Knock Knock, 9.50):  There's nothing I love more than prioritizing, so these fun little binder clips will let every jerk in your office know how important your work is.  Of course, ALL of your work is important, so do you think you can just order a set of "ON FIRE" (as in, if you don't get to this now, Ima set your house on fire)?   

Wow, I feel better already.  On to happy hour!