Secrets From A Stylist Completes Me

Dear HGTV,

Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. Just walk straight the fuck into the head of network programming, and tell that bitch you'd like to order a million billion eps of "Secrets From a Stylist."

I mean it....and I'm not playin around. Look, I KNOW you know that I've got a lot of bitchtastical things to say. And in truth, I think most of the shit on your network is a disaster. But the times are a'changin and for the first time, I feel like mebbe you bitches are getting that? Cause Emily Henderson's Secrets From a Stylist was everything your network is NOT: smart, chic, aspirational, young, fun, and not even a teeny bit cookie cutter.

I LOVED it. And I have literally never once uttered those words about a program on your network.

And look: I'm in marketing. So I get all this shit...like really, really well. And from my point of view, you guys are J Crew right now from 5 years ago...and your next moves can be game changing if you play your cards right. Do you want to completely reinvent your brand, and grab young, money to burn, self-taught design freaks like me? Or do you want to continue your long, boring, mediocre reign as the spot on the dial that most of reach for when we want background noise while we're vacuuming?

And look: I'm only saying this shit because I actually DO care. And I really, really, a thousand times really hope that "Secrets From A Stylist" is the start of a new era for you guys. Cause I WILL tune in (espesh if you start to feature more cool peeps like Emily: like Decor Demon would be a good start!). And I will buy the cool products you start to feature when you get advertisers that aren't Sears. Be more like Bravo! YOU CAN DO IT!

Anyway, not that you asked, but here's what I loved most about Emily's show:

*As rough as some of her hosting segments were on Design Star, she has had a total turnaround. She is quirky, and relatable, and sometimes even a smidge awkward or out of sorts, but it was so friggin refreshing! The fake, polished presentation that a show from someone like Michael, for example, would have offered is the exact OPPOSITE of what my ass wants to watch on TV. More Emily, and more peeps like Emily, pls.

*While I love tips as much as the next chump, I can promise you: there is nothing Candice, Vern, Gen or the like can offer me at this point that I haven't already heard 1000 times before. I watched Emily's show twice (and haven't deleted it from Tivo yet!) because there was so much great, fab, unique info that I want to immediately implement in my apt.

*Emily's spaces are young. Everyone else's spaces on your network are OLD.

*The shopping/styling info/tips/process was phenomenal...especially the flea market stuff.

*I loved seeing major changes, across several rooms in one house (rather than just one room or area). It provided opps for additional styling/shopping tips, and also helped us to see how you can pull it all together.

*THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for being dilligent about sharing pricing info. I want more of that.

I'm still on the fence about whether or not I dug the fact that she redid the main living room 3 times. Part of me loves it because I think that is likely the way that most of actually wade our way through the design process and it felt comforting to know that everything isn't perfect the first time around. But I also found it difficult to keep up with what was what and also felt a little sad when she removed elements that I really dug (or put back elements that I hated...like that rug).

Also, the style diagnostic was kind of silly (though I dug the process itself...just not the fake glasses).

Also, kudos for FINALLY offering us some gorgeously shot photos on the hgtv site...I was pleasantly surprised that the pics were not dark, artificially lit, and confusing like the normal Design Star fare.

So, yes: overall I loved, loved, loved the show and loved, loved, loved Emily (insert snarky blogger recap backflip here). I think you need to do way more of this sort of shit on your network and FAST. And if you haven't locked Emily into a contract yet, get on that PRONTO (and pay her way the fuck more than Candice pls...cause she deserves it).

ex oh, ex oh,

Design Blahg