[9 BY DESIGN RECAP] Episode 3: Major Work Out

Holy shit I can't get enough of this show.

First of all, can we just talk about how hot Bob and Cortney Novogratz are? I mean, RIGHT?? I'm not even exactly sure what it is about them that's so hot, but these two just ooze sex and coolness. It's like you can't decide if you want to fuck them or be their best friends.

We're only three weeks in and this might be my favorite Bravo reality TV show of all time (ok, not more favorite than Real Housewives, but no one fights or backstabs on this show, so its not really a fair match-up). But whatevs...point is: I'm MAJORLY into it.

 

So we kick things off with the news that the Novos are planning a christening for their new baby boy Major. This is kid numero SEVEN for anyone playing along. Cortney's goin all batshit trying to find the christening gown for the kid, which as far as I'm concerned may as well have been a ball gown. I mean, I'm a Heeb so maybe I just don't get shit like this, but why do boys wear pretty dresses to christenings? The Catholic Church doesn't like gay people, and yet they force their little boys to cross dress in front of all of their family and friends?? That seems kinda fucked up.

Anyway.

We're then intro'd to Dave Barry and his gym project in Hoboken. Dave is some developer dude who seems like he's worked with the Novos a bunch of times before and they let us know that he rocks because he basically just gives them a budget and then lets them do their thang. Rock on Dave Barry, and rock on non annoying as fuck clients.

So the whole Sixx Design crew goes off to check out this bizarro gym project of Dave Barry's in NJ. It's a combo wrestling/basketball/kids soccer gym. Uhm, !??. And there is a car wash downstairs. Quite frankly, the whole thing confuses the shit outta me. Especially when we learn that Barry is sprucing this whole place up out of the kindness of his heart? Or, as some sort of community service thing? Or what...I don't quite get it. But the Novogratzs' (how the fuck do you even pluralize that shit??) need to make it NOT look like a low-rent, tacky, suburban rec room. A task that, after the discovery of THEBAR upstairs (and their 50k budget) seems like no easy feat.

Now, some of you bitches might be thinking that Cortney went a lil cray cray over THEBAR and her need to immediately erase it from her memory, but trust me ppl, that thing was all sorts of horrendous. Check it:

That thing was like an homage to aspirational design mediocrity, and despite the fact that it was referred to as "custom" several times, it looked like it was purchased at one of those horrible furniture stores in Chinatown or something. It's like someone said "I want something cool and designer-y" and then this person walked into Levitz and asked the uneducated, "English was not my first language" sales associate where they could get a "designer" bar. And then this person was like: HERRE'S A DESIGNER BAR! WE HAVE ONE AT LEVITZ! And then that shit ended up in Hoboken.

So yeah, Cortney got a little crazy, but I totally bought a first class ticket on the "GETRIDOFTHEFUCKINGBAR" train, so I was right there with her. I even excused her "pretty pretty please!!!!" behavior later on in the ep when she tries to convince Barry to let her demolish the thing by driving out to NJ and using baby talk while lookin all cute. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Bob goes out on a shopping trip with their son Breaker, who we find out is quite the little fashion plate. I think the kid is eight, so I'm not sure if this falls within what is or is not permissable under child pornography laws, but I just gotta say it: that kid is fucking hot. He's gonna clearly be breaking NYC prep school girls hearts in like 10 minutes if he keeps that shit up.The two boys even find a pressie for Cortney, this rosary necklace where the cross is fashioned with two nails (for the home renovators!). I mean, swooooon.

Planning for Major's christening continues, and Cort asks her friend and former tenant Suzanne Vega if she will perform (mais, oui!). But I couldn't really conventrate on that convo at all because I was too busy looking at the AMAZING FUCKING VIEWS from their house! I mean, its like I can't focus on ANYTHING whenever they are shooting a scene in the house where there is any sort of a window. HOLY CHRIST!!?? I mean, I had to take an iPhone phot b/c I couldn't find anything online but look at this shit!?:

Anyway, work continues at the weirdo Hoboken gym, and of course the Novos trick it out flawlessly. They went old school and rounded up those vintage climbing ropes, punching bags, and lots of other groovy elements that made the gym look retro but also kind of modern and cool. I did think the kitchen looked a bit gigantic and odd without that bar there, but I'm guessing they just didn't have enough money to do another one.

So Major has his christening, and everyone seems happy and cool and all the other kids just look adorable. I'm not really sure what's up with me, cause I don't usually use words like "cute and adorable" when I'm talking about other people's snot nosed kids, but sonofabitch, that's what these kids are. Cortney even said some really lovely shit about how they have this tradition that everyone touches the baby's head as part of an agreement that they all make to help raise this child and bring him up in the world in the best way they all can.

In what was clearly the BEST moment of the show, Cort fakes Bob out with an announcement that she is preggo again. She was kidding, but my heart stopped for a second too until she let us in on the joke.

You crazy Novos!

Next week:

The nanny search is awn (Bob inquires if there any hot ones coming in, though judging by the previews I'd say that's a solid no), and the Novo's head out to the Hamptons for their next project!

Comments

[NineDaves]

it's the weirdest thing... i want to hate their kids, but i can't stop kind of loving them. even though they all have ridiculous names (five? really?), i'm still totally into it. maybe it's because all the kids seems normal, and mom and dad seem to - gasp - like one another. totally enjoyable!

[HouseofJules]

I really wanted to see this show but I don't get Bravo... trying to find eps online. No dice so far. Sadcakes

[meriz]

this is the best show ever!!!!!!!! great blog!