[GIFTED] Father's Day

True story: my family calls me the "gift whisperer." If you need to buy a gift for someone, here's some shit that might actually work (you're welcome).

Ok, look: I could put together a whole thoughtful, creative list of shit you could potentially get for your Father's Day gift from a crapload of interesting, unique well curated stores online. But let's get real: IT'S WEDNESDAY.

And since Father's Day is Sunday, unless your ass is shelling out $40 for express shipping, you need some crap you can buy locally. So if you're as lazy as I am, sit back and peep some ideas for quick, easy, non-sucky Father's Day prezzies that you can all find at your friendly neighborhood mall.

HAIER 17 can 42 Bottle Beverage Center ($109.99 at Target):  Does your father have a drinking problem? If so, this mini-fridge might be perfect. He can store it under his desk, or in his closet or some shit, and then hide the fact that he just drank 13 beers before 10pm from your mother. Also you can put cheese in there. 

Meatball Grill Basket ($49.95 at Williams-Sonoma): Yo, I don't even own a fucking grill and I want one of these. You had me at "our ingenious grilling tool holds a dozen meatballs." Unless your popz is some pussy vegan, he will L-O-V-E this.

Classic Two-toned Polo Shirt (29.50 at Le Gap): I don't care who your dad is, where he lives, or what he does for a living: ALL DADS WEAR POLO SHIRTS. It's like a universal truth...I think it might even be in health education books now: spawning a child, always results in an immediate appreciation for and desire to acquire as many polo shirts as possible. Is it an interesting or creative gift: fuck no. But desperate times call for desperate measures (and at least you're picking out a cool one for him!). (Who the fuck am I kidding? The Gap is so not cool, but whatevs).

Sony HD "Bloggie" Pocket Video Camera ($149.99 at Best Buy): Truth be told, we're big Flip camera fans around here, but I picked this puppy out because its called the "bloggie." Yes the name is totally ghey, but I'm guessing it will spark some srsly entertaining convos around your F day dinner table:

DAD: I don't know how to blog!

YOU: Dad, its a video camera not a blog.

DAD: But, I've never even read a blog.

YOU: No, dad: its a camera that's just called the "bloggie"...it doesn't have A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G to do with blogging.

DAD: Maybe I should start a blog?

[painful silence]

Keurig Special Edition Single Serving Coffee Maker ($139.99 at Bed, Bath & Beyondo): Ok, so I actually have one of these bitches and it rules my face sooooo hard. Basically, its managed to make coffee drinking fun for me, and if there's one thing missing from coffee its FUN. This baby makes a delish cup of coffee in 11 seconds flat from these little k-cups that come in all sorts of cool flavors and varieties. And everything is a single serving, so you don't have to make a full pot. This gift will rule, but also, don't forget to get some of the k-cups too.

BBQ Sauce Variety Pack (varying prices): If you want to get a leetle bit creative, why don't you buy one of these cool, metal tubs, and fill it up with shit he might dig....like BBQ sauce! Get your ass over the fanciest gourmet market in town and find some shit that's not Bull's Eye. You can get a bunch of diff varieties and keep the dude in it to win it with BBQ sauce all summer long. Also, you can fill that shit up with some micro-brew beers. If you're a cheap sonofabitch, just get a smaller tub...then 3 bottles will like that mofo is exploding.

DO IT.