[CATALOGGED] CB2's "Affordable Modern"

CB2 touts itself as "affordable modern," and I'm not really sure what that means.  Judging from the cover, it means some ugly, industrial step ladders and a tiny couple riding a motorbike? 

WTF is this?  Someone tell CB2's catalog designer not to get his inspiration from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids next time. 

I thought catalog covers were supposed to draw you in, not freak you out about the prospect of tiny people running around your apartment when you're not there.

Lately, I've been bored with the selection offered up in CB2 or Crate & Barrel catalogs because they're really not introducing any new pieces.  How many times can I look at the same hopscotch-themed rug (the numbers lead right into your bed—what are you, a pedophile?), or those creepy side plates with small monsters with big teeth eating stuff?  

BUT, there are a few new things that caught my eye, so let's take a look. 

Escape Print ($199): I love this print of fire escapes very much, and according to the photo above, it also defies the properties of physics, floating in mid-air against a window.  Someone call Idina Menzel, this shit is defying gravity!

Rose Colored Lens Print ($159): I've confessed before that I have the color palatte of a blind person, choosing obnoxiously bright colors that will break through my damaged corneas (I don't even know if that's the correct term, but it sounds sort of right).  This print is no exception.

Acacia Slatted Bath Mat ($24.95): Before I got my apartment, I assumed that my tastes were modern.  Sharp angles, I say!  Everything should be black!  Black like my heart!  But then when I started buying stuff, I slowly turned into a conglomeration of an arrogant jerk and a douchey hippie (read: dark wood everywhere).  I would indulge my hippie tastes and scoop this bathmat up in a second if my bathroom wasn't as small as Lindsay Lohan's will to live. 

Whirly Hanging Candleholder ($3.95 each): These might be a tad impractical because a tealight tends to burn out in the span of about 45 seconds, but I like the idea of free hanging globes of light, don't you?

Those were the things I liked, but you know I can't contain myself to tell you about this monstrosity right here:

Wabelerbeler Wall Art ($299): What is this crap?  Did someone murder Sgt. Floyd Pepper from the Muppet Show band (yes, that's his real name, I looked it up) and staple his puppet guts to the wall? 

And for $300?  FAIL, a million times.  FAIL.