[COOL OR NOT COOL] Vintage Rotary Phones

I know that landlines are going the way of the dinosaur, and that if there's a chance for them to hang around, it's not going to be connected to a rotary phone from 1960. 

BUT: let me just say after about 595849485 dropped calls from my fancy, expensive, and USELESS (yet still somehow precious) iPhone, I'm ready to hang up and just get a goddamned landline that connects to a rotary phone.

It's vintage, so I will look kitschy and unique, something I strive for but almost always self-sabotage with snap judgements and intolerant declarations ("Organic food is for rich people who hate themselves," "Adults who sleep in twin beds are serial killers, etc etc). 

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[I'M OBSESSED] Painted Marbleized Wood Floors

Oh sorry. I know I need to write some stuff for this post thingy, but I'm too busy jerking off to images of this motherfucking floor.

Looks like marble, right? Or tiles? WELL IT'S NOT, SUCKERS! It's paint. That's right, you heard me P-A-I-N-T.

How hard to we all love Miles Redd, gang???

Every time I see something like this I have an uncontrollable urge to call up every last bitch that said to me "WHAT?? YOU'RE GOING TO PAINT YOUR FLOORS???," when we bought our apt and just say "nanny nanny foo foo, btchz!"

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[COOL SHIT] Spiders on Drugs Bowls

Remember that research that came out awhile ago that was like, "the average person inadvertently eats 12 spiders while sleeping in their lifetime"?  Yeah, that shit is gross, which is why I hate spiders.  Creepy little bastards, sneaking up into my mouth while I'm dreaming about a life that doesn't include the MTA. 

But regardless of my hatred, I really really like these bowls that were featured over at Design Milk last week.

They're the creation of French designer Guillaume Lehoux and they're based on the results of a NASA experiment which explored the differences between web patterns woven by spiders who were sober and those who were placed under the influence of a whole host of different drugs.

Yes, that's right, people.  SPIDERS ON DRUGS. 

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[WHO GIVES A SHIT?] Holiday Cards

Ok, so do you people still do this holiday card shit?

I'm a Jew, so I never *really* got into this scene to begin with. And, in truth, those cheesy family photo cards make me want to barf a little bit. And yet...and yet, there is a leetle bitty part of me that's still a little jelly of those cards and for like 11 seconds each year when I get one in the mail. And then like for one brief, shining moment I think to myself: awww, maybe we'll do one next year!

And then we never ever never ever do.

I mean, I don't know ANYONE'S phone number unless I look at my cell phone, so forget about addresses. Who has people's addresses any more??

Anyway.

The one place I've found where I kind of like these cards is on Minted.com. And also I guess this is mostly a ppl with kids kinda thing to do anyway.

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[A GIRL CAN DREAM] Commonwealth Butcher Block

In my dreams, I have an amazing chef's kitchen with stainless steel appliances, Wusthoff Knives stocked in the drawer, and a restaurant-grade range with red knobs (you know the one I'm talking about). 

In reality, I have white cabinets, ugly formica countertops, a stove that was a hold-over from the Cold War, and a fridge that couldn't even hold the Olsen Twins' food for the week. 

This is what happens when your landlords are picking shit out: they go with whatever the fuck is the cheapest possible thing in the world.  Thanks, guys.  Really.

This butcher block from Matter could definitely find a coveted spot in my dream kitchen, but for $2,500, that'll be after I win the lottery or murder one of my co-workers in order to get a promotion and a pay raise. 

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